Funny Monday Limericks

Every Monday we drag our brains kicking and screaming into the week by putting on our brain trainers and doing a cerebral workout. Topics are wide ranging from 'invent a new product for a pet and create a marketing plan for it' (in 10 minutes mind) to 'come up with 5 key messages to sell ice to Eskimos'. One week we were all asked to write limericks about brands. Here are my favourites:




There once was a sports brand called Puma,
Who professed to be lacking in humour,
Then along came some folk,
Who shared a great joke,
And now this is just an old rumour

There once was a brand called BA
Who took holiday-makers away
The top man was Willy
He sometimes was silly
Cos he didn’t give his people enough pay

There is a cool dude in Salcombe
Who makes all the kids feel welcome
His name is Jack Wills
He doesn’t offer deals
But everyone still really wants some

Note: No brands were harmed in the making of these limericks

Proud but Ignorant?

We may well be proud being 'British' but how much do we know about Britain. I came across the test for citizenship a few days ago, and I was horrifed at how badly I scored.

Here are a few for you to try - answers on a postcard from Morecombe Bay...

Is the statement below TRUE or FALSE?

1) 'In the 1980s, the largest immigrant groups were from the West Indies, Ireland, India and Pakistan.'

2) How many parliamentary constituencies are there?
a) 564 b) 594 c) 654 d) 694

3) Is the following statement TRUE or FALSE?

'Ulster Scots is a dialect which is spoken in Northern Ireland.'

4)The number of children and young people up to the age of 19 in the UK is?
a) 14 million b) 15million c) 16 million d) 17 million

5) The percentage of people in the UK in 2001 who said they were Muslims was?
a) 1.2% b) 1.6% c) 1.9% d) 2.2%

6) TRUE or FALSE - Schools must be open 190 days a year?

7) A by-election is held

a) Every 2 years
b) Half way through the life of the Parliament
c) When an MP dies or resigns
d) When the PM calls one

News just in: The world has finally gone mad.

Forgive me having to report this; I have just returned from a short outdoor service to bury Rosemary's fathers ashes in a chosen plot at the cremetorium. Very moving.

There were only eight of us there but I noticed a lady standing behind us who I did not recognise.

I whispered into Rosemary's step mum's ear "Who is that lady there"

She replied "Oh that's a representative from Tunbridge Wells Health and Safety. She's here to stop anyone falling down the hole".

The hole was 1 ft square.

I get so fed up............

......when I see press ads like these.

For crying out loud, why, oh why would I want to go to these two destinations/venues based on these images and lines?

So here we have it then: Portugal, a Dulux painted door with a couple of manicured fashion statements gazing lovingly at each other, totally and utterly not interested in the "history that's apparently in every corner" ("my word that door is unbelievable, it's history you know").

Oh and the line: "The beauty of simplicity". Did the agency bother going to Portugal? It's a fantastically complex country, which is rich in history and culture and there's certainly much more to experience than a blooming red door!

And what about the CONRAD ad? What on earth is that all about? Once again, two fashion clad models, apparently eating some far eastern soup in a London photographic studio. Looks really convincing doesn't it? Or perhaps it's the one of the Conrad kitchens, in which case what the hell are they doing there? But of course they have "the luxury of being themselves". What a completely patronizing image, 2 prosperous pompous overpaid trend setters gobbling food in front of the very poor underpaid chefs who made it, and who work 24 hours a day just to pay for their cycle repairs.

I think I'll book the Hilton thanks.

What a legacy....

Steve Jobs - what a legacy he has created....
This week the world woke to the news that Steve Jobs had passed away which has crystallised both his status as a cult figure and his legacy to Apple.
Twitter and facebook were overcome with tweets and posts and the media showed groups using the candle app on their i-pad's to create vigils.
The majority of what I have seen spoke about Jobs as a dreamer and a visionary quoting him when he said, " have the courage to follow your heart and intuition,' not so much about his innovation.
I always thought Jobs had an air of mystique surrounding him, you rarely saw photos of him with his family. Even his biography eluded to the fact that he rarely spoke about anything other than Apple products. When mysterious people are successful you question what that special something is that most of us don't have access too, Jobs made you believe that you could be that successful person too. He did things his way, he believed in what he was doing, and he taught people that it is ok to be different.
To begin with Apple had an air of exclusivity surrounding it, but with the more mainstream products such as the i-pod it has grown to a global powerhouse. So what now. I have a gut feeling that as long as Apple continue with their 'non-conforming' ways people will continue to follow. Especially today in the current economic climate there is an air of, what was done before hasn't exactly worked so why don't we try something a little different.

Breaking out of the boardroom bubble – how brand can deliver a healthy internal culture and a healthy bottom line

Breaking out of the boardroom bubble – how brand can deliver a healthy internal culture and a healthy bottom line

Ideas Worth Spreading

If you are not familiar with it, TED stands for technology, entertainment and design. The body is a non-profit organisation devoted to ideas that are worth spreading. It launched initially in 1984 as a conference to bring people from the TED industries together and it has blossomed from there.
Accessible through a regular app, it's a fantastic way of spending 15 mins listening to highly engaging, interesting, challenging and thought provoking persons and subjects.
Doodlers unite......The conscience of television....selling condoms in the Congo....... check it out.

The X Factor bug

Every year I tell myself, “I will not be watching the X Factor this year.” I say this to myself because every year I get sick of watching desperate people embarrass themselves, the judges contriving situations where they reject and then call back people leaving them emotional wrecks, and the insane that walk off stage unknowingly humiliated.

But every year I get sucked back into it. I want to blame the people around me who go on and on about the contestants, teasing me about the good and the bad performances, some even having X Factor parties. So in the end when I’m worn down I say to myself, “If you can’t beat them, join them.”

So I found myself watching the X Factor last weekend, one again startled by the ridiculousness of it all. I listened to contestants telling the cameras that they’re fed up of being a nobody and this opportunity will make them a somebody. It left be wondering, “What is the world coming to when people believe that celebrity status is their only salvation? What’s so wrong with building a career away from the cameras?”

The X Factor manages to create debate every year and surprise you with something unexpected. It also has a way of bringing you together with family, friends and colleagues because of its popularity and entertainment value. So as much as I want to pull my hair out sometimes watching it, combined with feeling disappointed for not watching something credible, I need to give myself a break. It’s not that bad, is it?